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Дневник FuckingGod:
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Записей: 5
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26.12.2011 20:51
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Take care not to make me enter
If I do we both may disappear...
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6.11.2011 03:48
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Candle lit room, an altar, 20 people sitting in a circle awaiting the journey to the unknown depths of consciousness. I am here after three months of absence and abstinence from the medicine. Butterflies in my stomach start to fly up to my solar plexus and up, squeezing my heart with fear. I, however,is unable to identify the source of it. What am I scared of? Of purging? No, of dying? maybe but not so much? of going through hell? well, i've been there already. I do not know. It is time to go There. I kneel, a full cup, I think to myself that this might be too much after such a long break but the amount was given and I am taking what is presented. "Help m, show me, guide me, help my Heart release what it needs to". Sweet taste, goes down smoothly. I go back to my place. Twenty minutes later every cell in my body is present, i feel their vibrations. My fear is still there it makes me nauseous..I try to let go. She starts to sing...strong voice, a little overwhelming at first then it splits in two and three and becomes an electrical current consisting of many voices at once, piercing our bodies with energy. I open my eyes, I feel comfortable now...little or almost no strong visions but a strong current. The circle of people is locked in its energetic field, we are one body now working through our "problems" restoring broken energy filaments.
I have to let go of you, I have to let you go my flowers. I really do, otherwise I cannot go up..but God knows you are so deep in me that I delude myself thinking that I had let you go, that i released all that pain that we went through that I am not connected to you and that breaking up with you will set me free. I have not and now all of that is stock in my solar plexus slowly making its way from my emotional body into my physical and making my spine hurt. Twisted energy ties, repressed emotions and fears, insecurities and mistrust, depressions and not knowings what to do, anger, jealousy, attachments...How do I let you all go? How do I free myself? I just need to let you go and live your life, need to realize and accept that we have accomplished our journey together at this point. Maybe will be brought back together s friends but neither you nor I are ready to be together even as friends at this point. I'd like to believe that your new relationship will be a happy one, but forgive me I somehow do not, not because I do not want you to be happy but I just know that your relationship is there to fill the void that I opened up by leaving you. I'd like to ask for forgiveness but there is no need, we all are always forgiven. I do love you, of course, but my life is very different from yours at this point and I know and feel that you aren't ready for it...it's hard to be ready for something like this but you will be in time. My Heart is always extended and open to you with all the Love that flows from its Infinite fountain that is there for me to uncover and polish. I bow to you in reverence for all that you've gone through with me. |
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31.10.2011 02:58
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Everyday is a change, everyday is a new opportunity to change everything and everything really does mean Every Thing. Do what your Heart tells you to do, become that which is calling you, do not mind those who are around. DO not confirm to others values or opinions if they do not resonate with yours. You are your own world. Build it the way you see it.
Opening up one's Heart to Love is very very very hard..we go through guilt, judgments of our self and others, feeling powerless and worthless. Change change change all of that, know that your Heart has subtle golden strings that you can connect to, that you can touch; it will make you cry with crystal tears of happiness and Love. No matter what happens smile to yourself within and whisper I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love.. I Love.. I Love. Spend time with yourself, get to know who you are, stop the never ending running around life style, buying, selling, working, dating, partying, and etc. Simply stop for a second and let it all go..all of these are not who you are..all of these are just additions, these are just the roles and games you play. Be alone for once without trying to escape it. Turn your gaze inward and accept accept accept every part of you that you like or don't, there's no bad or good in you, it is all you, take it all in, look at who you are with a loving gaze of the Unconditional Love and simply be. Only by loving yourself will you truly be able to love others. I Love You <3
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25.10.2011 06:00
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Treading the spiritual path will require a lot of probing and figuring out what's what my friend. In my own short experience with various spiritual lenses that I got my consciousness to look through I've got confused a lot, more, of course, with the human element of it all..but again again and again I say to you and to myself as well, mind your own spiritual evolution, detach the teaching from those who practice it, otherwise you'll be searching around for that ideal for a long time and might not find it because there will always be those that corrupt the teaching, misinterpret it and use it for their own egoistic purposes. The solution is within you, create your own spiritual work the way you see it, don't look at what others do, don't measure up their progress with yours, meaning don't say "if they are here in such a state after 40 years of practicing without realizing the simple truths this path is not for me" Remember! what you realize is entirely up to you, the teachings are the tools for you to use, some use it in a very ineffective way and some are rapidly evolving with them. See if the teaching clicks with you, take it into your Heart, and go, work on your ideal, your world, your internal Mandala, your own Universe. |
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23.10.2011 20:42
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I had a chance to smell the Jasmine flower from Your Garden and now it lingers in my heart, comforting it and tearing it apart,
Vibration took its seed, the energy called Love,
It left its fruit in me, to let it wither or to sustain through the remembrance
Of the spark that turned the world around...the choice is made..
Up high and down low onto my knees,
Forehead into the ground, praying for forgiveness, for something I had never felt before,
My face divided into three by streams of salty waters of repentance,
And here I AM, untethered soul,
I'm shining forth that which I'll never have but that which I already AM. |
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Дневник FuckingGod:
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Записей: 5
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